At first I could feel that Keith was not 100% convinced that it was even possible. I would read articles and research to back up what I knew was the only way for me to birth my next child. I would pass all the information on to Keith and he would read it with scepticism in the sound of his voice when we would talk about it. Finally we scheduled a appointment with a local home birth midwife and all of Keith's insecurities about it disappeared. She was able to show us the equipment that she brings to a birth, the medications, the herbs, and most importantly her knowledge.
Keith was not present at my first child's birth as we didn't meet till after, so I had to fill him in on how things work in a hospital:
First I was admitted 11 days before my due date because I supposedly had high blood pressure (I was never told what my BP was just told it was high). Then they started the induction process, cervadil, pitocin, rupture membranes (break water), magnesium sulfate (BP medication). After all the medication was administered I began contracting. These medicated contractions are much stronger and much more intense than natural contractions. I was never given the choice to have or not have pain meds the nurse just said it was required with an induced pregnancy (I found out this is not true years later when reading a birth story). The epidural was given and I was put on a timer and told that I only have so much time to get the baby out or they would have to cut him out. I thankfully was able to have a vaginal birth 24 hours later. My baby boy was greeted with bright lights and many strangers with masks staring at him. He was immediately cut from his cord and whisked away. The medication I was on for High BP made it hard for him to breathe so he was admitted to NICU. I did not see him for 24 hours. During his time in NICU he was administered the Hep B vaccine, Vitamin K, the eye goo medication, and had his foreskin removed. All of these things were done with my consent.
Once home from the hospital I just knew that my son was going to be a challenge. He acted differently from other newborns I had known. I did not feel a bond with him and I had post partum depression. Keith and I therefore decided before I was even pregnant that our next birth would take place at home.
At first I could feel that Keith was not 100% convinced that it was even possible. I would read articles and research to back up what I knew was the only way for me to birth my next child. I would pass all the information on to Keith and he would read it, but he sounded sceptical when we would talk about it. Finally we scheduled a appointment with a local home birth midwife. She showed us the equipment that she brings to a birth, the medications, the herbs, and most importantly her knowledge. All of Keith's insecurities about it disappeared.
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As my pregnancy progressed and Keith got used to the idea of having/birthing a baby at home we started asking, researching, and thinking about everything that had to do with parenting, doctors, and medication. When we asked our midwife if she was the one that would administer the Hep B vaccine and Vitamin K shot at birth, she told us that it was not mandatory and that we had to decide if we wanted to give it or not. This came kind of out of nowhere and hit us like a ton of bricks! What???? We were confused. I mean, why was it up to us to figure out if we wanted to get the shots or not? Giving vaccines is just something that all parents do, right? But now that we knew better we were totally game to figure this out and began a huge journey of what would become the most life-changing and important decision we would ever make!
The things we found out about the history and making of vaccines were MIND BLOWING! Some things were just common sense and I don't know why I didn't question it before, while others were downright scary to find out. I came to realize that one shouldn’t just blindly go into anything. Whether good or bad, one must research both sides of the issue and decide for oneself what makes the most sense. For us it made total sense to say “NO!” to any more injections!
I went through a lot making this decision and a lot of criticism from family, but I just knew it wasn’t right to continue injecting poison into the people that matter the most to me. Why did I not know that it was not mandatory? Why was I made to feel that our bodies are inadequate to perform normal natural tasks? It wasn’t just the vaccines I was thinking about, but the options I had for birthing my baby as well. I now felt like a horrible mother for just having sat around with blinders and leaving medical decisions up to "others," figuring that people with medical degrees must know more than I do, but I was finally ready and confident that we made the right choice for our older son and for the baby that was soon to be born.
The day I went into labour, my midwife and her assistants came to the house. I was not in the mood to share my pain with others and they could sense that from the way I was acting. They let Keith and I alone for the duration of the entire labour and only came in when we asked them to. Once I knew it was time, my midwife suggested a few positions and before I knew it, my baby was born. She was put directly on my belly, her cord was left intact until it stopped pulsating and the placenta was birthed. My baby also stayed with me the entire time. There was no poking or prodding from nurses or doctors, my baby was only touched if they asked my permission. It was my baby and my house and my midwife treated us that way, she put me in control and would only intervene if her medical knowledge was needed.
After everything was back to normal and we were getting to know our baby, it was not long before we realised that things were not quite right with our older son. We were able to see many many differences in the 2 children. Our new baby girl was calm, happy, very alert, and easy going. My older son was and still is not any of these things. He is excessively loud, disobedient, and unable to cope with stressful situations. We didn't think much about it at first, just telling ourselves that no person is like another and that all kids have their own quirks, and that things would be fine and he would grow our of it.
But as the children have got older (now 8 and 3 yrs), we still see many big differences in them. My son has since started school and is in speech therapy and special ed. He still has outbursts in class and at home, he has a hard time defining the difference between right and wrong, he is excessively loud, excessively rough with animals and toys, and much more....We are seeing a naturopathic doctor who has helped us determine that this is something much more than just a behavioural issue. We have mentioned ADHD but the doctor is hesitant to give him that label. We have begun supplementing him with non pharmaceutical medications and have put him on a gluten free diet. These things have helped but we still have a long way to go.
To sum it all up and to tell you what I believe now with hindsight to be right is that not only vaccines, but also the birth that was provided to him damaged my son. Our bonding as mother and son was screwed from the beginning. I now realise that didn’t use my brain to figure things out for myself and for my child, but let my fear and misinformation blind me. Home birth saved me, my midwife saved me, I saved myself and now I can help save my family. We no longer take anything at face value, even from educated degreed doctors. Instead, we now we read, we question, we trust our instincts and only make educated decisions. It’s been a difficult but interesting and rewarding journey of discovery and there is no turning back!
